My solution? I bought a motorcycle. Roughly 36 hours later, it started raining buckets. If you’re thinking the two are unrelated, know this: I don’t have a car. Yeah, I gave mine to my wife—only after I sold hers. The motorcycle is my only transportation.

Here I was, thinking I was doing something good for the environment, my family’s finances, and my sanity (Psst! Don’t buy German automobiles.). That all may be true, but I was also doing something good for local vegetation and the farmers’ union. September was one of the wettest on record, and October looks to be no different.

Moreover, I had to start mowing the lawn again. Nuts to that.

So enjoy your green grass and generalized plant revival, South Texas, and don’t forget to send me a thank-you card. Just know that I intend to sell my old snow shoes to guarantee a white Christmas.